The accident
by thetrueninjagofan12
Summary: When playing basketball, Cartman receives a head injury that completely changes who he is. originally wasn't a ship story, but now will feature Kyman and Bunny.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I got bored so I decided to write this little story. I don't own anything in the story except for ocs that may appear. Everything else belongs to Trey and Matt.**

Chapter one: The accident

"Pass the ball, Fatass!" Kenny grumbled.

It was after school and the boys were playing two-v-two basket ball. Kyle and Stan were facing Kenny and Cartman. Being the in-athletic self-centered asshole he was; Cartman was being a ball hog desperate to score something, even though Kenny was far better at the sport. Stan cut him off, really easily might I add. He smacked the ball right out of his hand.

"Hey! Respect my authoritah!"

"Don't be such a whiney bitch, Fatass!" Kyle shot from across the court. He caught the ball after Stan smacked it away.

"HEY! DON'T CALL ME FAT YOU FUCKING JEW!"

Kenny got irritated at the dispute. Why was he always stuck with the fatass? He always picked fights and either did nothing or hogged the ball. He was the worst choice for a teammate ever.

"Will you both shut up so we can keep playing?" Stan yelled before Kenny had the chance to.

Kyle was already getting annoyed, so he started dribbling the ball and headed for the net, trying to score, with Cartman trying to block him.

"Get back here you dumb Jew!"

"Try to catch me, Lardass!"

Cartman managed to get in front of him before he took the shot. Big mistake. Cartman jumped up to stop the ball only to get hit right in the face.

"That's what you get, Fatass!" Kyle yelled. But when Cartman didn't yell back, or even move, they all worried.

"C-Cartman?" He asked in worry. Still no answer. Stan and Kenny ran to their fallen friend's side, Kyle was frozen with guilt. Stan pulled out a first-aid kit from his bag.

"Kenny, get back! Please let me handle this!"

Kenny didn't like that idea.

"No way, dude! He's my friend too! Let me help!"

Stan sighed loudly. He didn't have time for this.

"Fine, here!" he handed him a note pad. "Write down what I tell you."

Kyle watched as his friends worked. Tears were welling up in his eyes as guilt hit him hard. Cartman still wasn't moving and a crowd was swarming.

"What the hell happened?" a few voices in the crowd muttered. Stan was demanding for them to stay back. Kyle got over his initial shock and helped work crowd control.

"Bleeding on his forehead, and the back of his head. Probably from when he hit the pavement."

Kyle winced at the words. He tried to keep calm as he kept the rest of their friends away.

"Kyle!"

His head was snapped into reality. He turned his head to see that Stan and Kenny were staring at him with concern. He stared in confusion.

"Yeah guys?"

"Could you call an ambulance?"

"Y-yeah, of course."

Stan watched his super best friend pull out his cell-phone, then pulled his attention back to Cartman. He pulled a cloth out of the kit and propped Cartman's head on his lap. He held the cloth to the wound on his head. Kyle returned to them soon after and told Stan an ambulance is on its way. Tears were still present in his eyes.

"You okay, Kyle?" He asked in concern.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." He replied sarcastically. "I only hit Cartman in the face hard enough that I could have killed him. OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY!"

Stan awkwardly placed a hand on the ginger's shoulder as tears fell down his face. He was awkward when it came to these situations, but he tried.

"Hey, Kyle, it wasn't your fault, it was an accident. Cartman will be fine, okay? He'll be just fine."

"No, fuck you Stan! Do not feed me your false hope it won't work. I threw the ball and I hurt Cartman really bad. Look at the blood on your hands, Stan! I hurt him and what did I do in response? I taunted him! I thought that he was being over dramatic as always, and I taunted him! What if Cartman doesn't wake up Stan? What if I killed him?"

Stan didn't have an answer. Everyone grew silent until the ambulance arrived. Kyle was sobbing because the guilt was just too much to bear. They all watched as their friend was loaded into the ambulance and sped away. Now that the commotion was over the crowd left and the three boys were left to contemplate who was going to tell his mother.

 **Awww that was sweet. Poor Cartman. Not intending for this to be a ship story but if it happens it happens.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: At the Hospital

 **A/N: more feels in this chapter. Kyle is feeling guilty and is taking things hard. Stan and Kenny are gonna help him through it, and things are gonna get fluffier than whipped cream. Or at least that's the plan.**

The boys were patiently waiting for news on Cartman. His mother was in there with him, but they had heard nothing. A few hours later, a doctor walked in.

"Are you boys friends with Eric Cartman?"

"Yes! Is he okay? Please, tell me I need to know!" Kyle pleaded frantically. The doctor chuckled.

"Yes he'll be just fine. He just has some mild head trauma, he'll be sure to recover in about 3 weeks."

"Head trauma?" Stan asked confused. "What does that mean?"

"Well..." The doctor began. "It just simply means he has suffered a concussion, nothing serious."

The smile on his face said otherwise. It was faked; like he was hiding something.

"Is he awake?"

"N... Not yet. But if you would like to see him, that would be alright."

"We can see him now?" Kyle practically beamed at the mention of checking in on him.

"Yes you may, but I'm warning you son, you might not entirely like what you see."

Kyle wasn't really listening. He dashed down the hall until he found Cartman's room. He opened the door and gasped.

"Oh my god..."

Cartman was lying in a hospital bed. A heart rate monitor was beeping in the background. The whole place practically radiated sadness. ' _He'll be okay; the doctor said he'll be fine.'_ Kyle reassured himself as he slowly walked over to the bed. _'_ _But why does he need a fucking heart rate monitor, he isn't dying-'_

Kyle stopped in his tracks. The guilt wave flooded back over him as he thought of those words "He isn't dying". What if he is? What if Kyle accidentally killed one of his friends, even if it's Cartman? Cartman was only fifteen years old and Kyle had killed him! He suddenly felt the urge to leave. He pushed his way through the door, followed by a confused Stan and annoyed Kenny. He didn't care; he just didn't want to cry in front of them again.

Stan ran after his friend, catching him outside.

"KYLE!" He yelled after him as he left the hospital. "Where the hell are you going?"

"I can't be there Stan, I just can't!"

"Cartman will be fine, dude. You heard the doctor."

"But what if he's wrong, Stan?!" Kyle screamed, turning around to face the raven haired boy. "What if he's wrong and Cartman dies? He's fifteen years old; look what I did to him? I have never seen anyone with a concussion that has a heart monitor hooked up to their body!"

"It's just a precaution until he wakes up."

"BUT WHAT IF HE DOESN'T WAKE UP STAN? YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?!"

"Kyle, calm down. You're letting your emotions-"

"SHUT UP, I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! I MIGHT BE A FUCKING MURDERER DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!"

"KYLE!"

"WHAT KENNY?!"

Kyle was looking at the hospital door, where a very shocked and confused Kenny was standing.

"He's awake."

Kyle ran as fast as he could into the hospital, not stopping for anything. He ran and ran until he reached his friend/enemy's door. He saw that the boy was trying to sit up; his mother practically smothering him with hugs, much to the brunette's dismay.

"Cartman!" He gasped as he ran into the room. He hugged the larger boy without a second thought. Cartman shooed his mom out of the room.

"Kahl, hey..?" He awkwardly patted his back in response. "What are you doing here?"

"I... I... *Sigh* I'm sorry Cartman. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was an accident. Since the basketball game there's been a pain in my stomach, y'know?"

"What?"

"Guilt, dude. I felt really guilty. I don't expect forgiveness, because I don't deserve it. I just want you to know that if you need any help while you're recovering, come to me. I'll take care of ya free of charge."

"A Jew _not_ demanding money? I must have hit my head harder than I thought."

Kyle chuckled and lightly nudged the injured boy.

"Fuck you, Fatass."

Stan and Kenny walked in soon afterwards.

"Hey Cartman, how ya feeling?"

"I'm fine, Kenneh thanks for asking."

"Any pain at all, Fatass?"

"My head hurts, Stan, if that's what you're asking." He snapped.

"I was just asking a question Cartman, you don't need to be a douche about it."

Stan's comment was followed by silence. Cartman was avoiding eye contact. He immediately guessed he hurt his feelings.

"Cartman? Dude, I'm sorry."

Suddenly Cartman was acting super peppy.

"Oh, no worries, Stan! I forgive ya buddy ol' pal!"

"Uh..." All of them were completely dumbfounded.

"Mood swings are just a side effect of his pain medication. This is perfectly normal." The doctor chimed. Stan shuddered. There was that fake smile again. Still, Kyle took a video of Cartman's shifts in emotion for blackmail purposes. Feeling guilty or not, he couldn't resist.

Cartman stayed in the peppy mood for a lot longer than anyone had expected. He was playing with Clyde Frog (His mother brought him), singing to himself (Which creeped out Kyle), and complementing everyone randomly (Which _really_ creeped out Kyle). He fell back asleep soon after.

"I think you might have knocked a thing or two loose, Kyle." Kenny joked. Kyle stuck his tongue at him in response. Stan chuckled at the joke. They walked out of the hospital and headed home. Hell's Pass hospital wasn't far from Kyle's house so they headed there.

"I'm home!" Kyle yelled, though quietly so as to not get in trouble.

"Kyle, where have you been?! It's 9 o'clock at night you have school tomorrow!" his mother bellowed from the doorway to the kitchen. "You haven't returned home or done so much as call me!"

"Sorry mom, we were just at the hospital and-"

"The hospital?" She gasped, running to her baby's side. She completely ignored the two boys behind him. "Are you alright bubby?"

"I'm fine mom!" he pushed her off of him.

"It wasn't any of us who got hurt, Mrs. Broflovski." Stan stepped in. "It was Cartman."

Mrs Broflovski stared at the slightly older boy in confusion.

"Cartman? What stupid thing did that little monster do to himself this time?"

"He didn't do anything mom." Kyle muttered. "I hit him by accident while playing basketball."

"What what WHAT!?" She was furious. "Kyle, what had I said about hitting?"

"It was an accident!" Kenny intervened. "The dumb ass jumped in the way of Kyle's shot and got hit by the ball. Kyle isn't the one to blame for it."

"You better hope that he'll be okay mister, or your butt is grounded!" she directed at Kyle, turning as red as the boy's hair. He only nodded, clearly annoyed.

"Okay, fine. Can I spend the night at Stan's?"

"No you may not, mister! It's a school night!"

"We go to the same school."

"DO AS I SAY KYLE!"

"Okay, Jesus Christ. See you guys tomorrow."

"Bye Kyle." Stan muttered, clearly just trying to get away from the bitch Kyle's mother.

"Yeah, bye Kyle." Kenny added quickly before running over to Stan halfway down the driveway.

"See you guys tomorrow!" Kyle yelled to them.

"KYLE SHUT THE DOOR!"

"For fuck's sakes." He muttered to himself as he closed the door.

 **What do you think guys? Did I take Sheila maybe too far? God I hope not XD. Anyways, more coming soon be sure to R &R.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three: God, I hate school.

 **Welcome to the next chapter. More fun stuff. Garrison is a teacher, not the president, so much easier than creating a teacher from thin air. Let's just say PC Principal was never a character and move on, okay? Also Chef will be here, I miss him.**

"Ugh, I hate your mom." Stan groaned. The three of them were standing at the bus stop, waiting to be dragged off to the hell only known by one name: South Park High School. The red haired boy let out an irritated sigh.

"She isn't all bad. I was home late, y'know. And she did have a point it was a school night."

Kenny sighed as he patted his slightly shorter friend on the shoulder.

"Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. When will you ever learn?"

"The fuck are you talking about, Kenny?"

"The fact that your mom is a bitch. Everyone knows but you apparently."

"DON'T CALL MY MOM A BITCH, KENNY! YOU'RE AS BAD AS GOD DAMN CARTMAN!" he quickly slapped his hands over his mouth. It only slipped out because he was mad. He promised himself he wouldn't be mean to Cartman until he recovered.

"Dude, you alright?" Stan asked the small Jewish boy in concern.

"Y-yeah." Kyle stuttered, mentally kicking himself still. "Can we drop the subject please?" he put his hands in his pockets and stared at the street waiting for the bus to arrive.

Kyle was acting odd. He didn't sit with Stan like he usually did. Instead, he plopped down next to Butters, who greeted him with a warm smile.

"Uh Hyah Kyle!" Butters greeted.

"Hey Butters." He quietly mumbled in response. He knew Butters knew about Cartman, he was one of the people in the crowd of others when the incident occurred. The fact that Butters didn't ask anything relieved him and annoyed him at the same time. He was relieved to be left alone, but annoyed that Butters wasn't showing any concern for his friend...

... spoke too soon.

"Kyle, I was wondering... How is Eric doin'? Do you know?"

"He'll be okay, Butters. He'll be in the hospital for about two more days, and back in school in about a week. He has a concussion, nothing too severe."

"T-that's good."

"Wait, Cartman's in the hospital?"

Kyle turned around to see Token Black and Clyde Donovan leaning in to hear more information. Craig was also looking interested in the conversation (Tweek was freaking out. Kyle assumed he overheard too). A few girls turned and looked at them as well. One of those girls was Bebe, the class gossip. Great.

"Yes. Cartman is in the hospital with a concussion. He'll be fine in a few weeks."

"What happened?" a very eager, and only mildly concerned, Wendy Testaburger chimed in.

"We were playing basketball. He tried to stop me from scoring and the ball hit him square in the face. He smashed his head on the concrete. He's lucky he isn't hurt any worse."

A bunch more questions were hammered in his direction, making him curl up in a ball to try to hide from them. Suddenly, a new voice cut through and made everyone stop talking.

"SHUT UP!" The voice came from Butters. "What the hell, people? Can't you see he's overwhelmed? The poor guy went through a lot yesterday; he'll tell us the whole story when he's ready."

"Thanks, Butters..." Kyle whispered, blinking back tears. Despite what people say, Leopold Butters Stotch was okay in his books.

The bus pulled up to the elementary school. A bunch of kids jumped up and ran off the bus, others stayed behind to try and get more info from Kyle. Stan ran to the crowd and pushed his friend out of the chaos. Once off the bus, Kyle finally had time to breathe.

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with these people?" he fumed, wiping off his jacket in frustration.

"I know right? Kenny and I were talking about visiting him after school. Then we were bombarded by Kevin and his friends wanting answers."

"Like, seriously. It's CARTMAN! Most of the time these kids won't give him the light of day!" Kenny huffed. He took off his hood and toyed with his messy blonde hair.

"Kyle?" a slightly timid sounding Wendy spoke from behind them. Kyle felt uncomfortable to talk to her after what happened on the bus, so he hid behind Stan.

"What do you want?" Asked Kenny, defensively.

"I want to apologize on behalf of everyone on the bus. It wasn't fair to bombard you with questions; you obviously don't want to talk about it."

"Thanks Wendy..." Kyle replied, though still timid. He, Stan, and Kenny then made their way into the school so they could use their lockers.

"God that was annoying." Kyle huffed, slamming his locker shut.

"Yeah. If it was that bad for us, imagine Cartman when he's back in school next week." Stan pondered. Kenny dropped his bag in his locker and grabbed his book.

"Fuck don't even talk about it dude. Let's just hope there are no more mishaps regarding the subject."

They walked into the classroom not long before their teacher, Mr. Garrison, walked in.

"Alright class, let's take our seats." The extremely homosexual teacher chimed as he walked in and started writing on the chalkboard.

"Alright, today we're going to start off with a couple math questions. What is 23X9?"

The class didn't answer.

"Come on now, don't be shy."

Craig raised his hand.

"Yes Craig, do you know the answer?"

The black haired boy never answered, he only gave Garrison the finger.

"Craig Tucker did you just give me the finger?"

"No." The monotone tenth grader responded before flipping the teacher off again.

"That is it, mister! If you will not treat me with respect you can go pay a visit to the school counselor!" Craig happily jumped out of his seat and left. Kyle clutched his head and placed it on his desk. This was gonna be a long day.

Lunch finally arrived. The boys were the next in line for food.

"Hello there, children!" called the jolly lunch man behind the counter.

"Hey Chef." They called; an automatic response at this rate.

"How are you?"

"Bad." Kyle responded.

"Why bad?"

"Cartman's in the hospital." Stan replied simply.

"Oh my god, yeah I heard about that, is he okay?"

"I don't know." Kenny chipped in. "We've known the fucker for our whole lives, and when we saw him in that bed, everything felt... wrong."

"Almost like it wasn't him." Kyle muttered.

"He looked and sounded like Cartman, but you can NOT convince me for even a second, that that was Eric Cartman. Because he wasn't acting like Cartman." Stan sighed.

"Oh, come on now children. Your friend has suffered a head injury, so if he isn't acting like himself you need to be patient with him. Things will return to normal in a matter of time." Chef reassured them. They all looked at the kindly black cook and smiled.

"Thanks Chef!"

"Anytime. Move along now children you're holding up the line!"

The boys took their trays and walked over to their normal table with the rest of their friends.

"So is what Kyle said on the bus true or not? Is Cartman seriously in the hospital or what?"

"He isn't here, and he isn't at home sick, so where else would he be Craig?" Kenny asked, annoyed.

"Please. Will everyone at this fucking school just drop it?" Kyle pleaded. He wasn't feeling very hungry, so he gave most of his food to Kenny.

The rest of lunch was quiet. So when the bell rang, the boys were more than happy to head back to class. Nothing really exciting happened between the hours of then until home time. Stan's mother was waiting for them in the parking lot.

"Hop in boys!" Sharon Marsh called from her station wagon window. "I'll give you three a ride to go see your friend at the hospital!"

"I don't know..." Kenny joked. "My mother told me not to accept rides from strangers."

Stan punched the orange parka clad boy in the arm. Kenny knew god well who his mother was. They climbed in and headed to the hospital.

"Okay, now that school's over Kyle, what the hell was your problem?" Stan asked, both concerned and annoyed.

"What do you mean Stan?" Kyle retorted, a little pissed off at his friend's tone. "You were just as frustrated as I was when people asked us questions about-"

"That isn't what I mean and you fucking know it!"

"Stanley, language!" Sharon demanded, only to be ignored.

"What, you mean this morning? Maybe I just didn't want to sit with you, you ever think of that?"

"But why though? What did I do?"

"'What did I do?' he says. WHAT YOU DID, WAS FUCKING INSULT MY MOTHER! I expect that from Cartman, hell I expect it from Kenny, but I didn't expect it from you Stan! And to make things worse, Cartman is hospitalized because of me and now nobody will get off my ass about it! I hate myself for what happened yesterday, and people constantly asking questions, or ripping on me because I threw that damn ball, don't help! Did you ever think of anything from my point of view Stan? DID YOU?!"

Kyle broke down into tears in the back seat of the car. Kenny gently patted his back while he let his emotions out. Stan felt guilty. He hadn't meant to make Kyle cry, he just wanted answers. Now, he wished he had kept his mouth shut.

 **Whoa. That's some way to end a chapter O_O. Poor Kyle; he's been through a lot for one day. Hope to post the next chapter soon guys don't forget to R &R :D**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four: Is it really you?

 **Oohhh... what's gonna happen in this chapter? Let's just find out :D!**

The rest of the drive was silent. Stan wanted to say something to Kyle, but he wasn't entirely sure on what TO say. Kyle ignored him the rest of the drive anyways. He stared out the window, eyes still swollen from crying. Fuck, if Kyle could notice Cartman could notice. That fatass could spot out a needle in a haystack (Literally. He has a record of 45 seconds). Kyle tried to make himself look less upset, but failed.

"Fuck dude, I look like shit!" He yelled as he stepped out of the car.

"It isn't your fault, dude." Stan tried (and failed) to reassure.

"Fuck off." Stan felt like he was punched in the gut. He had never seen Kyle so mad at him before. He sighed and followed his friends into the hospital.

"Hey asshole how ya feeling?" Kenny joked as he walked into the hospital room. Cartman gave him a kind smile.

"Ah, hello my amazing friends! I am doing wonderfully thank you so much for asking!" He practically sang. Kenny, Kyle and Stan all exchanged worried glances. This can't be Cartman, could it?

"Uh, you're welcome." Kyle awkwardly responded. He wasn't really sure on what to say at that point. "Hey, Cartman?"

"Yes, my dear friend Kahl?" The small Jew practically gagged.

"Are you sure you're okay? I still feel bad about yesterday and-"

"Kahl, Kahl, Kahl. It's all in the past. I feel great! I get to get out of this place tomorrow, and see all of my amazing friends!"

"Really? That's what you're thinking of when you leave here? Friends? What about food and what you'll do before you return to school?"

"What's so great about food that I'll think about it over friends?"

Everyone in the room turned to the large brunette in shock.

"What did you just say?" Stan gasped.

"Food isn't that interesting? Why, did I say something wrong?"

Kyle felt sick. This wasn't Cartman. There was no way this was Cartman. Kyle completely altered his rival's personality, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. He wanted to be the one to change Eric Cartman, but this was not what he meant at all.

"Kahl? Kenneh? Stan? Answer me! Did I say something wrong?"

"Yes! You said something wrong!" Stan informed him frantically. "You are supposed to love food, and be a total asshole to everybody, especially us! You aren't supposed to act nice, or compliment us, or treat us with respect!"

"Why not?" Cartman was holding his head in confusion and pain. What the hell was his friend talking about? "Aren't we friends?"

"Yes, but this isn't you! You usually call me a faggot even though I'm straight! You rip on Kenny for being poor! And worst of all you rip on Kyle for being a Jew! Treating us like people is not in your nature, you treat us like dirt under your feet! All you care about is being fat, and thinking you're better than everyone! Seeing you act nice scares us! You aren't Eric Cartman, you're a poser!" Stan burst into tears as he stormed out the door. Kyle and Kenny ran after him, leaving a very sore and confused Cartman behind. The large boy held his head. _Asshole? Poser?_ What was Stan talking about? Cartman doesn't recall much about his personality, but he did recall everything else. Hell, he could solve grade twelve pre cal, though he didn't show it. He tried thinking harder about himself, but that just made his head spin.

"Ugh." He needed water, but the nurse said he was bed ridden until the morning, and he was currently alone. He would have alerted the nurse, but he didn't want to waste her time with a glass of water. Thankfully his friends returned soon afterwards.

"Stan, remember what Chef said. We need to be patient with him." Kyle assured the still in tears Stan while they entered the room. Kenny looked at Cartman and immediately noticed something was off.

"Hey dude, you okay?"

Stan and Kyle's attention was then returned to their hospitalized friend, who was sitting up, looking quite queasy.

"I need water..." the boy choked out. He sounded like he was gonna puke.

Kenny quickly ran out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a glass of water and a sugar packet.

"Here. Add the sugar packet to make sure your blood sugar isn't too low."

Kyle rolled his eyes. He was the diabetic, not Cartman. But alas, the boy did what he was told, but looked like he was gonna gag.

"Too sweet."

Kenny stared in shock. Though he quickly shook the surprise off of his face and smiled apologetically. The guys at school will not believe this.

"Feel better, dude?" Kyle asked. He walked over and kneeled beside the boy's bed. Cartman shook his head.

"I'm so confused. Why do I remember everything but my own personality?"

Kyle looked sadly at his rival. He seemed so helpless and afraid at the moment. Kyle wanted to hug him, like he did when Kenny died of that terminal illness, or when he woke up yesterday, but he was afraid to.

"Just try to take it easy, okay?" he sighed, not entirely sure on what to say. "I'll be right back; I need to make a phone call."

Stan walked over to the boy's side while Kyle stepped out to call his mom saying he'll be late again.

"Sup dude?"

"Hey. You okay? Or do you still think I'm an asshole poser?" Cartman sounded hurt. Stan didn't mean things like that.

"I didn't mean that Cartman. It's just, *sigh*, I don't cope well with change, and you being nice is a really big fucking change. I didn't want to, or mean to, hurt your feelings. I'm just super frustrated." He responded honestly. Cartman felt bad for his friends. A stupid game of basketball had changed everything, and no one was sure if this change was good. He felt sick again, not from nausea, but from guilt. All of this stress was his fault.

"I'm back!" Kyle cheered quietly, making sure he didn't cause another headache for poor Cartman. "Here Carman, the vending machine has cheezy poofs. You love those!"

Cartman took the familiar food he was apparently fond of. He knew he ate them a lot, but to him at the moment, they didn't look appealing. He gingerly opened up the bag and ate one.

"Meh. Not that great."

"WHAT?!" Kenny stood up so fast the chair he was sitting on fell over. Cartman's eyes darted from his best friend, to the Jewish boy in front of him, to Stan on the other side of him. He knew by their faces he said something wrong.

"What?"

"You, not liking cheezy poofs? What the fuck?"

"There's nothing special about them Kenny."

"But they're your favorite!"

"Not at the moment."

"Oh my god, Kenny?" Kyle was in near panic.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Do you remember what you said while we were leaving here yesterday?"

"'I think you might have knocked a thing or two loose, Kyle.' but I was only joking."

"I don't think it's a joke anymore..."

"Oh shit."

 **Cartman NOT liking cheezy poofs? Whaaaa? hang in ther folks it just gets better**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five: Okay, I call bullshit!

"Wait, you're serious?" Token exclaimed in complete shock. "Like, you aren't fucking with us?"

"We felt the same way, and we saw it ourselves!" Kenny exclaimed with his mouth full. Kyle had given him a packed lunch then bought his own.

"I'm calling bullshit." Clyde remarked casually before shoving a bite of his Salisbury steak in his mouth. "There is NOTHING that can change Cartman for the better. Not even a blow to the head."

"Actually I read about this." Kyle said, matter-of-factly. "It's called The Pseudobulbar Affect."

"Soodo-ballsier Affect?" Kyle facepalmed at Clyde's stupidity.

"Pseudobulbar Affect." He repeated, rather annoyed. "It's a head injury that alters the personality of people."

"That sounds about right." Stan agreed. "That sounds exactly like what happened!"

"I still don't believe it." Craig stated flatly. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Well he's out now, so if you want we can show you after school."

"Sure thing Kyle!" Token happily agreed. "I meant to visit him yesterday, but I was busy."

"I don't need a bullshit excuse." Craig added in, flatly. "I just want to see this for myself. Tweek has to work after school anyways."

"Fine I'll go." Clyde shrugged. He didn't really care, but the thought of Cartman being nice intrigued him.

"Great. Meet us outside after school and we'll take you to his house."

After school the group of them left and headed over to Cartman's house. Stan knocked on the door.

"Yes? Oh hello everyone!" Ms. Cartman cheered when she saw the group of boys at her door. "Eric's up in his bedroom. Play nice now!"

Craig looked at her in subtle confusion. How could she be so chipper all the time? It unsettled him.

"Cartman? It's us! We're coming in!" Kyle softly informed the boy while slowly opening the door. He was greeted with a kind smile and a gentle response.

"Come in. Oh hi guys good to see ya!" his voice was calm and gentle. Token, Clyde, and Craig didn't really want to go in. This was too weird.

"Uh, hey dude." Token greeted awkwardly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing well Token! It's very sweet of you to ask!"

"Okay, I'll bite!" Craig exclaimed. "What the hell are you up to Fatass?"

"'What are you up to-' What are you talking about?" Cartman looked shaken by the sudden outburst. His eyes welled up with tears, but he didn't cry.

"Oh come ON! You wouldn't change from a stupid blow in the head! You are an irredeemable, sadistic, asshole! If this is another one of your god damn schemes, leave me out of it!" He stormed out of the room. Kyle saw the fear and pain in his rival's eyes and went to comfort him.

"You okay?" he asked gently, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"No... I just don't understand what's going on anymore. From what I hear, you guys hated me for being an asshole, but now that this stupid head injury you guys hate me for being nice. What do you want from me?" He buried his face in his hands and cried. Everyone in the room's hearts broke. This poor kid was going through hell at the moment. He was nice now, and there wasn't much they could do, but they could treat him better. Clyde stormed out of the room, returning soon after, dragging an irritated Craig by the arm.

"Ow! Let go of me Clyde!" He was trying to pull himself free.

"Then apologize to Cartman you prick!"

"Fine, Cartman I'm-" He cut himself off. He was about to only half-ass the response, but seeing what he did to the poor boy cut him off.

"You're WHAT." Clyde forced on him. He was blocking the door with his arms crossed, just in case Craig tried to leave again.

"I- I'm sorry. What I said was wrong and I should have given you a chance. I understand the circumstances and that was not my call to make. Do you forgive me?" he awkwardly held out his hand, hoping Cartman will accept and shake it.

"O-okay..." Cartman took his hand and shook it.

"Cool. Now, what the hell is Pseudobulbar Affect?"

"Pseudobulbar Affect? What do you mean?"

"Wait, you have a head injury, and you don't even know what it's called?"

"I only have a concussion."

"God, Cartman. You are _way_ off on that one."

Kyle calmly explained what the injury was, and Cartman also agreed that must have been what happened to him. He was asking questions about his personality before, but he didn't like the answers he got.

"Oh yeah, you were a total dick." Kenny replied casually.

"You would make fun of the most horrible of things." Stan agreed.

"You actually willingly let Kenny die more than once. And gave me AIDS." Kyle was actually enjoying letting Cartman see how bad he is.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you were an ass!" Token chipped in.

"Dude, you murdered a guy's parents because he sold you his pubes!" Clyde casually stated, biting a sandwich he had in his bag.

"I did what!" Cartman gasped in shock at his friends, making them all stop talking.

"B-but that was all in the past, you've been a lot nicer recently! And I don't mean after the basketball game!" Kyle tried (And failed) to calm down Cartman. The stress was making the brunette's head spin.

"This is _way_ too much to take in right now." He managed to choke out. "I feel sick."

He got up and ran to the bathroom. The boys could hear him throw up from his room.

"I'll go check on him." Kenny volunteered. He stood up, dusted off his pants, and left the room. The other boys were left there, hearing Cartman throw up a couple more times before groggily returning to the bedroom, being supported by Kenny.

"You alright?" Craig asked out of genuine concern.

"I think so..." Cartman croaked. He requested for the boys to go home so he could get some rest. The conversation they just had was too much for him. For the most part, they agreed to give him his space, but Kyle and Kenny didn't want to go anywhere.

"I'm your best friend dude, there's no way I'm leaving you like this."

"Kenneh, it's fine, you can go."

"I promised I would help you out. I'm not leaving."

Cartman slowly turned his head to face both boys. They were holding their ground and he was not fit for arguing with them. Hesitantly, he let them stay.

"Sweet. Do you need anything right now?" Kenny calmly asked. They were trying their hardest to be patient.

"Water, and no added sugar please?"

"Whatever you need." Kenny bowed mockingly. Cartman rolled his eyes and groaned.

"You hungry?" Kyle asked calmly. He fully anticipated the answer.

"Not really..."

"Okay. But I'm gonna leave this apple here just in case you want it later."

"Thanks Kahl." He looked the small Jew in the eye, he looked serious. "Kahl?"

"Yes Cartman?"

"Why are you helping me? From what I've heard you hate my guts."

"It's my fault you're hurt in the first place. This is the _least_ I could do."

"So if I wasn't hurt, you wouldn't care about me?"

"That is not what I meant!"

"Kahl, I want to believe you. But with everything that's been happening these past few days; I don't know _what_ to believe anymore."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six: Homework

 **Okay, so, different approach on Cartman. He's going to be really smart, but because old Cartman just didn't care, they don't know. He's gonna help Kyle and Kenny with their homework. Also, I held back on the shipping. Sorry, but it is now a ship story.**

Things were awkward for a little while after that. Kenny returned with the water shortly after, handing him the glass and pulled out his homework. Kyle did the same. Cartman curiously looked over at their homework and smiled. It looked really easy.

"What answer did you get for question six Kyle?"

"What, the square root of 300? I haven't gotten to it yet. I think it's 15."

"17.320508075688."

Kenny and Kyle looked over. Cartman was looking at the ceiling.

"What?" Kyle asked confused.

"The answer. It's 17.320508075688."

Curious, Kyle took his calculator and punched in the equation. Surprisingly, Cartman was right, number by number. Did the injury alter his intellect? Was that possible? Or was Cartman always this smart?

"Sorry for asking but, how do you know that?"

"It was really easy. I know a lot of square roots from memory. I can square root 1-5000 without thinking."

"Why?"

"On father's day and days surrounding it I would just look at this stuff. It was boring but better than walking down the streets seeing happy families, seeing complete and absolutely perfect families spending quality time with each other. Kenny, I know you haven't had the best family life, but at least you always HAD a complete family. So I thought that it was best to use that depressing moment of my life to do SOMETHING. I knew the full periodic table by four, I could multiply up to 27 by six, and I have been able to square root 5000 by eight."

"Okay, wise guy." Kenny challenged slyly. "What is it?"

"Easy. 70.710678118654."

"What do you say, Kyle?"

"He's right."

"I told ya."

"I'm still not convinced." Kyle was thinking. "You said you know the entire periodic table right? What is the 65th element?"

"Terbium. Now, would you like some help on your homework?"

"Wait, you're serious? Cartman is a genius?" Stan was just told about the night before, after he had left. He did not believe what he was hearing.

"We didn't believe it either Stan." Kenny sighed. He was again toying with his hair. He did that when he was frustrated.

"Why wouldn't Cartman tell us about this? We're his best friends!"

"How would you bring that up, Stan?" Kyle looked at his taller friend with a sarcastic smirk. "'Oh hey guys, by the way I'm a genius because of my crippling loneliness since I was born!'"

"Okay, good point. Still doesn't explain why he never told us he wasn't happy."

"As much as I hate to admit it," Kenny stated, sounding almost ashamed. "I don't really want Cartman to return to normal."

"What?!" Kyle had to restrain super hard so as to not smack him right then right there. "Why would you say something like that?"

Stan also looked at Kenny in disgust. That was just mean.

"He's so much nicer, and honest, and sweet, and sensitive, and..." Kenny blushed and quickly covered his face. Kyle knew what that meant: Kenny was crushing on Cartman. He was surprised to find himself feeling jealous, his heart skipped a beat when he heard Kenny's description of their larger friend. God damn it, Kyle was crushing on him too. This is a problem. Stan looked at his two friends. Noticing the expressions on both of their faces, they were either crushing on Cartman or each other. Stan felt weird. He expected Kenny to have feelings towards their friend, not Kyle. If his first suspicions were correct, and they both were crushing on Cartman, he felt bad for Kenny. Cartman had told him a few weeks ago he thought Kyle was cute. Stan felt awkward, knowing he was the only straight guy in their gang. Kenny and Kyle made eye contact, noticing each other's blush.

"No way! You like him too!?" They echoed each other, stating the obvious at the same time. "You can't have him he's mine!"

Stan sighed and pushed his way in between the two before they started a fist fight in the hallway. "Technically, he isn't either of yours.

"Shut up Stan!" They yelled at him at the same time, pushing him out of the way. Kenny took the first swing, clipping Kyle right in the jaw.

"Guys, stop!" Stan stood up, trying to get to his friends. A crowd had swarmed already. In the time it took him to get up front, Kenny had taken about two or three blows to the face, where Kyle only had the one. Kenny kept trying to hit him, but the Jew's size and agility came as an advantage. With usually picking fights with taller and slower boys, Kenny usually aimed a tad too high, or took too long to hit. Kyle was tiny and agile, so he had no problems dodging his punches. Stan ran in the middle of the crowd and grabbed Kyle by the waist, signaling Butters to do the same with Kenny. They were held at a distance from each other before being let go, they had calmed down at that point.

"What the HELL, you guys? Are you trying to get in trouble?"

Kenny and Kyle just huffed. Their injuries were beginning to be a little more prominent.

"Then tell Kenny Cartman's mine!" Kyle demanded firmly.

"No way, you hussy! Cartman's mine!"

"Hussy? I'm not a girl!"

"Well-"

"Stop it!" Stan screamed, causing people to look over. His friends immediately stopped talking and stared at the Raven haired teen in complete and total shock. He quickly regained his composure.

"Thank you. Now, what has gotten into the both of you?!"

"I don't really know..." Kenny replied, deep in thought. "I guess it's because he's so much more likeable now. He's like a sweet, huggable, cute, dreamy..." He was lost in thought. Kyle nudged him, which snapped him back to reality. "What was I talking about? Oh- Teddy bear! That's what he is, a teddy bear!" He chuckled nervously and cleared his throat, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"I agree. There's just something about him that makes my heart flutter." Kyle also looked really flustered. You could almost light a room with how bright their cheeks got. "Either way, I'm gonna bring his homework to him after school. He said he'd help me."

"I swear to god Kyle, if you try something without a fair fight I will kick your ass." Kenny teased, playfully sticking out his tongue to show he was kidding.

"Kenny, if we do anything, I'll tell you in full detail." He evilly grinned. Kenny caught on and laughed.

"I'm sure you will. But maybe not at school, you'll get in trouble." Stan just watched the two of them in confusion, and then figured he didn't want to know.

"Okay you two, we need to get to class."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven: oh my god!

 **A/N: Shorter chapter. This one chapter will be focusing on what Kyle and Cartman do, which won't really be that much. Won't say much, but homework will be off their minds really quickly ;).**

Kyle knocked on the door to Cartman's house, being greeted by Cartman himself, who was expecting him.

"Hey Kahl. Glad you could make it."

"Hey. I have your homework."

"Thanks. Do you still need help with yours?"

Kyle hid his face behind his books, trying to hide the blush that was staining his face. All he could do was nod.

"Kewl. Let's get started then."

Kyle nodded again and quietly walked into the building. Cartman quietly closed the door.

"My mom's at work, so we got the place to ourselves. Well, besides Mr. Kitty that is." He chuckled at his little joke. Kyle avoided eye contact, face going even redder. It was about the same colour as his hair at the moment.

They went upstairs. Kyle was trying to keep his head in gear, but no such luck.

"Now or never Kyle..." he muttered to himself. He gulped before standing up and walking over to Cartman.

"Kahl?" the larger asked in confusion. Kyle grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in for a kiss.

Cartman jumped at the sudden embrace. It was firm and passionate, yet really gentle. Kyle's lips were soft and warm. He felt like his whole body was engulfed in flames. Without thinking, he kissed back, locking his arms around the Jewish boy's neck. Kyle was surprised that Cartman seemed to be enjoying their moment of intimacy. He had only meant to get it over with; clear his head, but he didn't hate what it turned into. Soon enough, they broke apart to get some air.

"That was... intense..." Cartman managed to breathe. His face was bright red. He still seemed to be shaken over Kyle kissing him. The red head smiled like an idiot.

"A good intense, might I add." He teased. He was able to think clearly now, but in his mind, homework was still out. He only had one thought. Trying again. Thankfully, Cartman had the same idea. Next thing he knew, Cartman grabbed him for round two.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter eight: Overreaction

"YOU KISSED HIM?!" Kenny screamed. From the look on his face, he was not happy. "WHAT THE HELL KYLE, I WAS KIDDING!"

"Kenny, I'm sorry. I didn't intend on kissing him, it just sort of happened. I was honestly gonna be fair about this, but I couldn't concentrate on homework with him there." He looked embarrassed. He was looking at the ground in shame, holding his arm. Blinking back tears in his emerald eyes, he sighed and walked away. Stan came up behind Kenny soon afterwards.

"I heard you yelling from down the hall, what happened?"

"KYLE KISSED CARTMAN LAST NIGHT! TWICE!" the short blonde fumed. His anger made Stan back up a little bit.

"Kenny, calm down..." He tried to soothe the boy. No matter how small he is, Kenny is terrifying when he's pissed. "Maybe you're overreacting."

"How am I overreacting?! Kyle promised we could fight over Cartman fairly! He went behind my back and FUCKING KISSED HIM!"

"Look, maybe we can go talk to him. I'm sure Kyle will tell us why he did what he did."

"I don't need a conversation, I need action! Kyle wants a battle; well I'll give him a war!"

After school, Kenny decided to take the liberty of going to Cartman's house to bring him his homework. He called his (Soon to be boy)friend in advanced to let him know he was on his way over. When Cartman opened the door, Kenny decided to strike.

"Hey Kenny, what's up-"

Kenny planted a kiss on the boy's lips. He wasn't sure how hard Kyle had kissed him before, so he went with really firm. With Cartman's head in his hands, Kenny kissed him with all his might. Cartman wasn't entirely sure what to do, so he went with it. He pulled his friend in the house and closed the door. Kenny held him against the door, keeping his mouth firmly pressed against Cartman's. They broke apart because Cartman was struggling for breath.

"So, how was _that_?" Kenny smirked.

"Um... I don't really know." Cartman replied honestly, coughing. He quickly took a puff of his inhaler. "I mean Kyle was a lot gentler about it yesterday and- wait a minute. Is that what this is about?"

Kenny stared at the boy in shock. Did Kyle tell him about them fighting over him? Or was Cartman even smarter than they had already discovered. He sighed and told him the truth.

"Y-yeah. Kyle and I both have major crushes on you; that's why he kissed you yesterday. When I found out, I didn't like it. I was still determined to win you over. So I volunteered to deliver your homework, just so I could kiss you better than Kyle did, and win you." He looked up and saw that the recent usually level headed and kind Cartman was looking angry. He sighed.

"I know I screwed up, you don't need to tell me to leave." He picked up Cartman's stuff off of the ground and placed it on the coffee table, then left. Cartman quietly walked to his couch and started on his homework.

"Kyle?" Kenny quietly spoke to his Jewish friend at the bus stop that morning.

"Yeah?" the red head looked over at the poor blonde from around Stan.

"You win. Cartman's yours."

"Why? What happened when you dropped off his homework last night?"

"I kissed him."

"WHAT!?"

Stan grabbed Kyle before he could lunge on Kenny. The blonde stepped back in alarm.

"Kyle, I'm sorry. But on the bright side, he didn't really like it."

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER YOU ASSHOLE!"

"GET ON THE DAMN BUS!"

Their heads snapped over to see the very ugly and obese Ms. Crabtree the bus driver parked there staring at them.

"Alright you damn bitch..." Kyle muttered as he boarded the school bus.

"WHUT DID YOU SAY!"

"I said... Kanye West is a gay fish?"

"Oh. Well, yes I suppose he is."

Kyle rolled his eyes at the woman's stupidity. He walked to the back of the bus and sat beside Stan. Kenny sat with Butters.

"Golly Kenny, Kyle sure didn't seem happy with you. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay then. So how's Eric doin' do you know?"

"Butters, shut up please."

"Oh hamburgers! I'm sorry... I'll shut up." Kenny hadn't noticed the faint blush on the shy blonde's face.

Then Kenny had an idea. If Cartman didn't like him, that was fine by him.

"Actually, Butters, what's your opinion on dating other guys?"

"W-what do you mean?" Butters' blush deepened.

"Like... if a guy were to ask you out on a date... what would you say?"

"Are you asking me out?" Butters' blush was about as red as the poofball on Stan's hat.

"I guess I am."

"Well, then sure I'd love to!"

Kyle watched the whole scene take place. Kenny and Butters? Who would have thought? He couldn't help feeling envy though. If it was that easy, then why hadn't he thought of it? When they arrived at the school he received a text from Cartman.

Cartman: Kyle, you are never gonna guess what happened last night!

Kyle: Kenny kissed you.

Cartman: No, Kenny- wait... How did you know?

Kyle: Because he told me.

Cartman: Oh. By the way, my doctor called last night after he left. He said I can come to school on Monday.

Kyle: Really? That's awesome! By the way, Kenny asked out Butters.

Cartman: Oh. Good for him. Are you coming over to do homework?

Kyle: Yep. I'll be there for 3.

Cartman: k.

Kyle put his phone in his pocket and ran into the school.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine: studying.

Kyle walked down the street to Cartman's house. Checking his watch; 2:56, he had a few minutes. He reached the door and knocked, to be greeted by Cartman's mother.

"Hello Kyle! Eric is up in his room!"

Kyle flashed the woman a kind smile and headed upstairs. He quietly knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Kyle awkwardly opened the door, remembering what happened last time. Cartman was in his pyjamas.

"What, did you just wake up or something?" He teased, trying to ease the tense atmosphere.

"Nah, just comfortable. How was school?"

"It was fine. Other than Kenny and Butters hooking up, nothing really exciting happened, other than Clyde choking on an apple slice."

"Oh my god is he okay?"

"Yeah he's fine. Anyways, we have math, science, and English homework to do."

"Okay."

"Cartman, do you know the square root of 6?"

"2.4494897427831."

"Thanks. Hey, Cartman?"

"Yes Kahl?"

"About what happened the other day..."

"It's perfectly fine. I actually liked it."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah. You're a good kisser. A _way_ better one than Kenneh."

Kyle blushed profusely. With a goofy grin on his face, he took a page out of Kenny's book.

"Um... w-would you be interested in-"

"Sure."

"W-what?"

"I'll go out with you. Sounds fun."

"REALY?!"

Kyle may have overreacted, but this was great news. He ran over to Cartman and gave him a hug.

"Oh... Thank you thank you thank you! I know a great kosher restaurant we can go to you are gonna love it!"

"Sounds great! Now, we've got a lot of homework to do, let's get it done okay?"

"Oh right." Kyle chuckled nervously.

 **Sorry for the short chapter :( I thought that a chapter that was entirely these two doing their homework would get boring.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter ten: Monday

"Hey buddy, glad to see you're back!" Kenny cheered excitingly as Cartman made it to the bus stop.

"Hey! I'm sorry I was late getting here, I had trouble fitting all of my homework into my bag."

Kyle smiled shyly when Cartman arrived. He hadn't told Stan or Kenny that he asked him out yet. Cartman saw the Jewish boy and beamed.

"Hey Kahl! How are you!"

"Oh, um, hey Cartman. I'm doing well. Thanks for the homework help on Friday I really appreciate it."

"No problem at all. Stan, you've been quiet, how are you?"

"Oh, fine."

"GET ON THE DAMN BUS!"

The boys all boarded the bus, Kyle muttering a curse to the obese woman in the driver's seat. For once, she hadn't heard him. Cartman smiled at the lady though.

"Hello, Ms. Crabtree! How are you this fine morning?"

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!"

Shaken, Cartman quietly sat down in an empty seat. Kenny sat with Butters, so he was alone. That is until Clyde Donovan changed seats.

"Hey Cartman! Glad to be back at school?"

"Yeah. As much as I enjoyed the time to recover, it'll be nice to be able to do stuff. Old me would love to avoid going to class as much as possible, but new me would rather spend time with all of his friends than lay in bed all day."

"Good point. It must have been really boring being stuck at home. Did you leave the house at all?"

"Not at all."

They arrived at school soon after. While getting off the bus, Cartman was swarmed.

"You're back!" Wendy chimed cheerfully.

"How was your week off?" Bebe asked curiously.

"Did you have fun? Anything exciting worth sharing?" Kevin piped in.

Cartman was asked a bunch more questions. His head was gathering too many words at once, so he tried to shut it out, to no avail. His head was spinning and he covered his ears, trying to avoid any more questions. He felt like he was going to faint; that is until he felt himself being pushed out of the crowd. He opened his eyes and turned his head to find out who his saviors were. It was Stan and Kyle. He heard yelling, from what he heard it was Kenny lecturing the crowd. When Stan and Kyle had gotten him far enough away, he thanked them immensely.

"Thank you guys so much. I really owe you."

"Don't mention it. Are you okay?"

"I feel kinda light headed, I think I just need to sit down."

"Are you sure you should have come to school today?" Stan asked out of concern.

"I'll be fine. I just need to take it easy is all."

In class, the situation didn't get much better. When Cartman walked into the classroom, Mr. Garrison made a big (For his standards) deal about it.

"Now class, as you probably know, Eric Cartman has returned to school after being bed ridden with a head injury for the past week. There are some changes in his personality and attitude, so you need to be patient and stuff. Yada yada yada. To be honest I don't really give a shit. So please welcome back Eric and whatever."

The class cheered for his return. Cartman smiled awkwardly and took his seat.

"Now, your homework assignments I gave you on Friday are due today. If you could please hand them up to the front that would be nice. Eric, I doubt _you_ did your homework, so there isn't much point in-"

Cartman smiled and walked his homework that Kyle and Kenny had brought him from the past week up to the front. He handed them to Mr. Garrison (Who just stared at him in shock) and took his seat. The entire class (Minus Stan, Kyle, and Kenny) was also in complete and total shock. Soon enough it was lunch time.

"Hello there, children!"

"Hey Chef." The boys chimed, like usual.

"How are things?"

"Good!"

"That's good. Eric, I see you're back at school. How are you feeling?"

"I feel fantastic Chef, how nice of you to ask! How are things here in the kitchen for you?"

"Things are well I guess. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, is this what you meant by him not acting like himself?"

The three boys just nodded.

"Ah, I see. Well, here's your food children, move along now you're holding up the line."

"Thanks Chef!"

They sat down with their friends, like normal. Only one difference; people kept trying to sit with them all lunch. First it was Heidi.

"Hey, Eric, Bebe is throwing a party this weekend and wanted to know if you want to come."

"Um, no thank you Heidi. I would love to, but I'm still recovering so I don't want to push anything too soon."

"Oh, okay. I'll go tell her."

Then it was Red.

"Hey, Eric, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie this Saturday. If you can't go to Bebe's party we could at least do _something_ fun."

She wrapped herself around the large boy's arm and batted her eyelashes at him flirtatiously, making Cartman feel really uncomfortable. He looked at Kyle for help.

"Sorry, but he's NOT interested." The ginger boy stated firmly, getting a look of disgust from Red.

"How about letting _Eric_ answer, dipshit?" She spat angrily.

"Um... Red, I don't wish to be rude or anything, but you're making me feel uncomfortable. And I do apologize, but Kahl is right. I do not wish to see the movie with you on Saturday."

The Ginger simply tsked before getting up and sitting with her friends again.

"What is _happening?_ " Cartman uncomfortably muttered after shooing away the ninth girl. It's only been 10 minutes.

"I told you Cartman. You're new personality is making people feel drawn and attracted to you." Kyle calmly explained.

"Well, if this is how I'll be treated for my new personality, I think I just want my old one back."

"No you don't." Wendy retorted simply as she inserted herself into the conversation (And the spot next to Cartman).

"Why? What about me is so terrible that if I so much as think for one second of turning back to my old self, people try so hard to steer me away from that decision?"

"Simple. You were a self-centered cynical asshole who would do anything in his power to make those around you miserable. You were a murderer, a thief, a liar, a bully, and a racist. Now you are kind and care about the well beings of others. That is why people are drawn towards you. Now, the reason I'm here. Why did you shoot down Red like that?"

"I'm not interested."

"Why? She's a nice girl who I've known a long time. You can't go off saying she's mentally abusive because as her friend, I know better than to believe that shit. Why did you turn her down?"

"Because I'm already seeing someone, okay!"

Kyle stared at Cartman. Was he talking about him? Or was he seeing someone else, but Kyle is just a pawn? He quickly shook of that thought. Cartman wouldn't do that, nice or not. Even he wasn't _that_ cruel, was he? He listened intently to find out.

"Really? Who is she?"

Cartman laughed.

"'Her' name is Kahl Broflovski."

Everyone at the table gasped and stared at him. Kenny nearly choked to death on his sandwich (Stan saved him). They even tried to clean out their ears with their fingers. Were they hearing that right? Cartman and _Kyle?_ Though it wasn't entirely out of the blue, Kyle did already say he kissed him. But Stan couldn't help feel hurt. Kyle had started dating Cartman, and hadn't told him? They were super best friends; they were supposed to tell each other these things.

"When did that happen?" Stan looked at his two friends in bewilderment.

"Friday!" Kyle exclaimed happily, taking Cartman's hand. "I asked him on a dinner date Friday night. There's an amazing kosher restaurant in Denver, I'm sure he'll love it!"

"I don't care where we go Kahl, as long as I go there with you." Cartman cooed, pecking Kyle on the cheek.

"Cartman... You're embarrassing me in front of our friends!" Kyle blushed, pushing away from him with a grin on his face. "If you want to kiss, we'll do it when we're alone."

"Ooh! What's this _alone time?_ " Kenny teased, leaning onto the table with a smirk. The two boys blushed profusely. Butters elbowed his boyfriend in the arm. "Ow, what? I was just kidding!"

"Keep teasing them mister, and I won't kiss you for a month!" Kenny looked defeated.

"A MONTH!? Come on Babe..."

"Apologize, Kenny!" Butters ordered.

"Sorry guys..." He grumbled. He wasn't sure if he liked the new, more assertive Butters Stotch.

"Now, was that so hard?" Butters asked, pecking Kenny on the lips.

"Aw, I guess not..."

Cartman giggled adorably at their dispute. Kyle's heart pounded. It sounded like a little kid's. He looked over at his boyfriend in envy. Cartman's honey coloured hair, and soft blue eyes always made him melt. Kyle thought all of his male friend's eyes were beautiful (Especially Stan's. There was just something about the iciness of his dark blue eyes that he was drawn to). But Cartman's eyes were a whole other level of gorgeous. His long eye lashes and big round eyes would give most people the illusion of a girl. And the softness of his irises made them look even fuller. Kyle could never resist getting lost in those soft, beautiful eyes. That is, until the feeling of their lips colliding flooded his mind. He hadn't even noticed himself leaning in, but god he didn't regret it. It was like fireworks erupted in his mind. Cartman obviously saw it coming, and let it. As soon as their lips collided he kissed back, they wrapped their arms around each other in the embrace, getting teased by their friends in the process.

"Come on guys, get a room." Kenny teased.

"Yeah, not all of us have someone in their life right now." Token chipped in. "No need to rub it in the face of these sad, lonely boys." He laughed, pointing at Clyde and Stan. Even Wendy couldn't help but laugh at that one, and she was Stan's girlfriend.

Kyle and Cartman broke apart their kiss, blushing. They had completely forgotten that their friends were there. Butters gave them a reassuring smile.

"Aw, just ignore them fellers. They're just jealous."

"Thanks Butters." Kyle responded bashfully, grabbing back onto Cartman's hand.

Soon, the bell rang, meaning they all needed to head back to class.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven: The fight

 **OC time people! This may be where Cartman gets turned back to normal, so bear with me. It'll happen soon, maybe, I haven't forgotten ;).**

Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Craig, Tweek, and Butters all walked down the hall to their class. All the respective pairs were holding hands, making Stan feel lonely (Poor guy XD). They were ignoring the questioning stares, until someone decided to speak instead of look.

"FAGS!"

The group turned to see a tall, built guy standing there with his arms crossed. He had a smirk on his face that made Kyle want to knock his teeth in. His dark brown eyes were lit with loathe and determination.

"I'm sorry, what did you say to us?" Craig retorted, letting go of Tweek's hand and cracking his knuckles. The blonde hid behind him in fear.

"GAH! They're gonna F-F-FIGHT!"

"You heard me. You're all a bunch of fags! I don't understand why stretch over there (Referring to Stan) even hangs out with a bunch of ass-ramming queers like yo-"

POW!

The bully landed on the ground in a thud. Craig had punched him in the face.

"Oh you little bastard." He retorted simply, wiping the blood from his mouth and spitting some on the ground. His gelled back black hair was messed up. "You're gonna get it now."

He suddenly lunged at Craig, pulling him to the ground as well. Almost going berserk, he attempted to bash the smaller noirette's face in. Tweek tried to pull him off, only to get grabbed from behind.

"AH! LET ME GO! I DIDN'T HURT ANYONE!" He was thrown to the ground. Craig watched the whole thing in horror as his boyfriend was hurled painfully to the cold tile floor.

"SONOVABITCH!" He bellowed, plowing his fist full force into his attacker's face. This sent the bully recoiling backwards enough for him to get away from him. He ran to Tweek's attacker and punched him in the face too. Tweek was cowering against a locker, a little bit of blood trickling down his forehead. Kyle and Cartman ran to his side and helped get him out of harm's way.

Craig's original attacker had noticed them escorting him out of the fight and reached forwards to grab who he could (Which unfortunately was Cartman), pulling him to the ground with a thud. Kyle looked back and saw his boyfriend being tripped.

"Cartman!" He ran after him, only to be grabbed by Tweek.

"D-Don't do it man! Trust me, it's- GAH- a bad idea!"

Kyle watched helplessly as his boyfriend was attacked. The bully had climbed on top of him and started beating his face in. Cartman lost consciousness fairly quickly. Kyle had enough watching. His face turned as red as his hair as he lunged at the attacker. He pushed him off of Cartman, and started pounding his face in until his knuckles bled, his wrist was in excruciating pain. He just kept going and going, anger turning to tears as Stan ran forward and pulled him off. Kyle just cried helplessly. Soon enough after that, a teacher showed up to intervene.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" Mr. Garrison asked, annoyed.

"Mr. Garrison! These guys (Referring to the bullies) were harassing us for being gay!" Craig spat. His voice practically oozed hatred.

"What? Now you listen here you little shits! Just because you're twelfth graders doesn't mean you can harass other students. That one kid you beat up, yes the unconscious one, is suffering from a serious head injury you may have worsened. So you better get your sorry asses to the principal's office, and if I see you around these students again I will kick your god damn asses to next week!"

Kyle hadn't listened to any of it. He was too focused on Cartman right now. He and his friends had all surrounded the boy as he lied there on the floor. Ignoring his own pain, Kyle gently nudged him, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Cartman..? Cartman, please, wake up... I need you... I LOVE you! Please, please wake up! I need you to wake up!"

He didn't so much as flutter an eye lid. Kyle frantically started shaking him now.

"GOD DAMN IT CARTMAN DON'T DO THIS TO ME! YOU NEED TO FUCKING WAKE UP ERIC, JUST OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!"

"KYLE!" Stan placed a hand on his shoulder. Kyle started sobbing as he buried his face into his super best friend's shirt. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fucking fair. Why was this all happening to Cartman, to the one he loved? The Jew kept crying until a faint groan caught his attention.

"Eric?" he gasped, his head jolting to the side. Cartman was coming to, having Kenny help him sit up. He put a hand to his head and winced.

"Oh my god you're okay!" He cried, throwing his arms around him.

"Get the hell off of me, you stupid Jew!"

Kyle jumped back and just stared at him in shock. Did Cartman seriously call him a stupid Jew? Then he realized; the blow to the head must have turned him back to normal. He groaned and yelled his normal come back.

"DON'T BELITTLE MY PEOPLE, FATASS!"

"Wait; is that actually how we used to treat each other?"

Kyle looked at him in confusion. What the hell did that mean? He was about to ask when...

"What the hell are you talking about, fatass?" Kenny asked in confusion. Everyone else nodded their heads in agreement.

"Um... well... after what Wendy said in the cafeteria, I was curious about how we used to act. I was thinking of a way to test that when those bullies arrived. I wasn't expecting to be attacked, but it was an opportunity. Being knocked out, and hurt, was just incidental."

"Were you planning on getting roped into it when Craig threw that punch?" Kyle asked, annoyed and hurt.

"No, like I said, incidental." He looked at his hands in a mixture of pain and shame. His head still hurt and his vision was fuzzy. He knew he should go see the school nurse, but he was too dizzy to try and move. Awkwardly, he made eye contact with Kyle.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you. You aren't stupid in the slightest sense. You are the smartest, kindest guy I know. I love you; I didn't mean those harsh words. If I could take it back-"

He was cut off by Kyle kissing him on the lips. Cartman's head spun, both from the kiss and from blunt-force trauma. He didn't mind, though. He liked the dizzy feeling he got from kissing Kyle. That is, until it intensified something fierce.

"Augh, my head!"

 **Psyche! I know I should have probably turned him back, but that wouldn't be really fun now would it. This story's gonna get more elaborate (maybe). Just writing for fun though, so don't expect it to be perfect. Please R &R!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve: shit happens, that's all.

 **I know, shit name for a chapter. I've never written an actual story story this long. Kyman (even if it's trash), doesn't count XD.**

"Eric, sweetie, are you alright?" Kyle asked frantically.

"This really hurts Kahl..." Cartman whimpered, directing his attention to the bleeding, swollen, bruised mark on his forehead. The pain was getting worse. Tears were burning his eyes as he tried to ignore the cries of anguish building up in him.

"Oh hamburgers! We should get him to the school nurse." Butters suggested. With the help of Kyle, he hauled him to his feet and carefully walked him over to the nurse's office.

"My mom is so gonna- GAH- kill me when she finds out I was in a fight! NGHSHHH!" Tweek freaked.

"Say it wasn't your fault Tweek, plain and simple." Craig calmly comforted the spazz. His light brown eye was swollen near shut, and he had a busted lip. His face made Tweek freak more.

"But if she looks at you, she'll think it was YOUR fault! And if she thinks it's your fault, I won't be able to see you anymore! And if I won't be able to see you anymore, then I'll be forced to break up with you! And if I'm forced to break up with you, then-"

Craig kissed him to shut him up. It definitely did its job. Craig felt the tense, angsty teenager loosen up in his arms. He broke the kiss and looked him in the eyes.

"Now listen here Tweek. We are _not_ gonna break up over this. I will tell everyone what I did was self defence. We have all of our friends, and other people, as witnesses. No one is going to think that it was me, okay?"

"Y-you promise?"

"I promise."

"O-okay, if you say so Craig."

Stan, Kyle, Butters, Kenny and Cartman stepped out of the nurse's office. Cartman had an ice pack and a band-aid. It was apparently 'All she could do.' Kyle's wrist was bandaged up.

"Hey buddy, how you feeling?" Craig asked, curious and concerned. He still couldn't help flipping them off.

"Dizzy. The nurse said I should probably go home, except for one problem..."

"Problem? What problem? This is too much pressure- AH!" Tweek freaked, which lead to Craig gently slapping him on the back of the head.

"My mom is at work and can't come get me. Odds are that she's either at her actual job or her prostitutional one. More likely the latter." He guessed sadly.

"If you want, I can call my mom." Kyle offered. "If I explain the circumstances I'm sure she won't mind."

"Are you sure Kahl? I don't want to bother her. She might be busy, or asleep, or-"

"Nonsense!" Kyle cut him off, pulling out his phone. "My mom is like your family! You're hurt, _and_ you're my boyfriend! You need her there for you right now, hold on let me call her."

Kyle dialed his mom's number and explained the situation. Mrs. Broflovski agreed to come retrieve him and Eric from school, and Principal Victoria also agreed to let her. Kenny helped him walk the injured boy out to the car and waited for them to leave before casually turning and heading home and skipping the rest of school. Butters caught up to him and followed him there like a lost puppy.

At the Broflovski residence, Cartman was painfully sitting on the couch. He held the ice pack to his head and watched Terrence and Phillip on TV with Kyle. Mrs. Broflovski looked disgusted at these boys' taste in television so she sat in the kitchen.

"Kahl?" Cartman asked wearily.

"Yes sweetie, what is it?"

"Please tell me you kicked that guy's teeth in. Nice or not, I think he deserves it."

Kyle laughed at his boyfriend's question. He lightly kissed him on the forehead, avoiding the spot where he was injured.

"No, but I did punch him until my hand bled. And I sprained my wrist."

"God damn it Kahl. If I knew you were gonna hurt yourself I would have tried harder to stay conscious."

Kyle chuckled. Though he hated the fact that Cartman flat out said he would willingly keep getting beaten, he loved the fact that he cared about him so much.

Cartman stared blankly at the television. Why did he like that show again? Oh yeah, the immature fart jokes. They didn't really appeal anymore. He groaned in annoyance, grabbing a pillow and smushing it on his face. Kyle couldn't help but laugh.

"Bored?"

"Maybe a little." Cartman grumbled, turning to the side and laying his head in Kyle's lap. Kyle started stroking Cartman's soft, honey brown hair as he fell asleep.

"Guess you had a rough day..." Kyle whispered before also drifting to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen: Really mom?

 **In this chapter Sheila isn't going to be accepting of Kyle's relationship with Cartman. She isn't gonna be homophobic, it isn't the fact that they're gay, it's the fact that it's Cartman. She knows he changed, but she's worried for when that all goes away (aka when he's back to normal)**

Kyle woke up to the sound of talking coming from the kitchen. He checked his watch, it was 5:00. His dad was home from work. Cartman was still asleep on his lap, and Ike was watching Terrence and Phillip.

"Morning Sunshine." The Canadian boy teased, while Kyle gently placed his boyfriend's head on a pillow and stood up.

"Hey, Ike. How was school?"

"Fine. By the way, as horrible as this sounds; you might want to eaves drop on mom and dad."

Kyle stared at the ten year old in confusion, but proceeded to do just that. He stood just out of sight and listened to the conversation.

"I don't know Gerald. I know he's been a lot nicer since Kyle hit him with that basketball last week, but I'm still worried for Kyle."

"Sheila, leave him alone. Kyle is fifteen now, he can take care of himself."

"I know that, but Eric Cartman doesn't exactly have the best track record."

"Those were mistakes from when he was eight, are you really gonna hold that against him? He's treating Kyle properly Sheila. He loves him and that's what matters."

"And what about his mother, if this relationship continues? What if they marry? I do NOT want Kyle to have that slut as a mother-in-law!"

"Excuse me?"

Sheila and Gerald quickly turned their heads to find Kyle standing there. He had heard enough.

"Bubba, how much did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you don't like my boyfriend!"

"Kyle, he isn't right for you! There are much better boys out there. Like, your friend Stan for instance!"

"One, Stan is straight AND has a girlfriend. Two, I don't love Stan I love Eric! And THREE, I CHOOSE MY BOYFRIENDS, NOT FUCKING YOU!"

"Kyle, calm down. I am as much on your side as you are, but shouting won't-"

"I am SICK of you trying to control me mom! You have demanded that if I didn't bring home A's then I wasn't welcome here, since I was SIX! You have demanded that I was up at the crack of stupid so I wasn't late for the bus, even though you wake me up THREE HOURS BEFORE IT ARRIVES! WE LIVE FIFTEEN FEET AWAY FROM THE BUS STOP! And now you want to choose my BOYFRIEND TOO! I'M FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, NOT FIVE!"

"Kyle, what's going on?"

Kyle turned his head to see a weary Eric leaning against the doorframe.

"N-nothing, cupcake. Go back to sleep, everything's fine."

He grabbed his boyfriend's arm and led him back over to the couch, shooting his mom an "I'm not through with you" look.

"Holy Moses, Kyle. I didn't think you ever GOT angry!" Ike praised in awe. Kyle smirked at his younger brother before retorting. "Because you don't piss me off." A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Kyle answered it to reveal a swarm of friends. On his porch were Stan, Butters, Kenny, Craig and Tweek.

"Hey guys. What's up?"

"We were wondering if we could hang here for a bit. We got bored." Stan answered honestly.

"Sorry guys, Cartman's asleep right now and I don't want to wake him. He's been through a lot, y'know?"

"Right. Has his mom called at _all_ about him not coming home from school?" Kenny asked, concerned. He was hoping his friend's mom at least cared enough about him to call and see if he's okay.

"I'm not sure; I just woke up myself..." He chuckled nervously. "I'll ask my mom."

Kyle walked over to the kitchen. His friends kinda sorta maybe granted themselves permission to enter. A few minutes later he came back, shaking his head.

"My mom said not a single phone call. I feel bad for him. We spent the entire weekend together and his mom was there for maybe five minutes maximum."

"Kyle... who's at the door..?" Cartman mumbled quietly. He was only about, maybe 1/8 awake, if that.

"It's our friends, sweetie. They were checking in on you, and seeing if they could hang out here."

No, not here..." he responded, awkwardly standing up. "My house. Probably quieter. Unless my mother's home."

Kyle stopped him before he could leave the house.

"Hold it mister! You are _not_ fit to go anywhere!"

"Kyle, I'm fine..." Cartman responded all too soon. His headache caught up with him again, and his knees buckled. Kyle and Stan caught him and carried him upstairs. Putting him to rest in Kyle's bed, the two boys agreed to make a trip to the Cartman residence to see if Ms. Liane Cartman was even there. If she was or not, they were gonna go get Cartman some clothes because Kyle didn't think he should even attempt to try and go home.

The group had reached the Cartman house. The generic green house seemed to be empty. Their suspicions being more prominent when there was no answer when they knocked. Kenny tried to open it, locked. Craig suggested breaking the door window to unlock it, which was shot down. He flicked everyone off. Butters suggested he went to his house and get the key to the Cartman house, which was met by puzzled looks.

"Butters, sweetheart, _why_ do you have a key to Cartman's house?" Kenny questioned. Butters giggled at the slight jealous tone in his voice.

"Because when we were little, Eric would always get locked out of his house because his mom would be "Working", and he was too little to really remember his key. At first we let him stay at our house until she came home, but we eventually got our own copy of his key to let him in the house. Just neighbourly intentions." He responded cheerfully before running to his house next door.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen: untitled (I've given up on names XD)

Butters came back with the key to Cartman's house and unlocked the door. The group walked inside.

"Okay." Kyle began, checking his phone. "My mom sent a text to me saying Cartman's mother called. She's doing out of town work and won't be back for a week. So I need help packing a week's worth of clothes for Eric. Any questions?"

"I've got one." Craig spoke up. "Why do you need _our_ help?"

"Simple. A) You tagged along willingly. And B) I don't know where everything is to be completely honest."

Not liking the answer he got, Craig flipped Kyle off. Tweek freaked out suddenly.

"GAH! WE HAVE NO REASON TO BE HERE! NGHSHHH! WHAT IF WE'RE ARRESTED? WHAT ARE OUR MOTIVES?! THEY WON'T BELIEVE WE'RE JUST GETTING CARTMAN'S CLOTHES FOR THE WEEK! THERE'S NO PROOF! WE'RE GOING TO JAIL! GAAAAAAAH!"

Craig slapped him across the face. Hard enough to calm him down, but soft enough as not to hurt him. Tweek gasped and stared at the tall slender noirette.

"Get a hold of yourself Tweek! We're not going to jail! We have a key, so this isn't illegal!"

"B-but-"

"Cartman invited us here. His boyfriend is with us too, so don't worry your adorably fucked up head, everything is fine."

"O-okay."

Craig kissed the blonde on the forehead and wiped hair out of his eyes. Tweek appeared to calm down, so they went to go help Kyle find Cartman's stuff.

"Okay..." Kyle muttered to himself. "I have his clothes, tooth brush, Clyde Frog, his extra inhaler, just to be safe..."

"I still can't believe Cartman has asthma too." Stan thought out loud. "I don't really feel special anymore." Kyle glared at his best friend. The playful tone in Stan's Royal Blue eyes sparked with the sure signs of him joking, but still.

"Really?" He shot back. His tone wasn't a playful one. "Look at his diet. He's been overweight since we met him eleven years ago. It was only a matter of time. Sure he's slimmed out over the years, even grew muscles in place of some fat, but the damage is done. He only has himself and his mother to blame, but that's a conversation for another time."

"I was only kidding." Stan defended quickly. "Jesus Christ, you really _are_ Cartman's boyfriend."

"What does _that_ mean exactly?"

"Nothing, honest!"

"Will you two shut up?" Craig yelled, pushing his way in between. "No one wants to hear you two ladies fighting over who has the prettiest prom dress!"

The two friends rolled their eyes and turned away from each other. Butters ran to his house and returned the key. Then, they headed back to Kyle's house.

"Kyle, where have you been? Dinner was ready half an hour ago!"

"Sorry mom, we had trouble finding Eric's spare inhaler. He doesn't keep it in an easy to access for anyone but himself location."

"Oh, okay then. I'm sorry, but your little friends have to go home now it's supper time."

"Okay mom, goodbye you guys."

"Bye Kyle, see you at school tomorrow."

"Yep. Bye."

Xxx

"Kyle, will you go check on your little boyfriend for me? He hasn't come downstairs since you left, so we want to be sure he's okay."

"Sure thing dad."

Kyle put his plate in the sink and went upstairs. He brought some fruit for Eric if he was hungry.

"Eric?" He called softly, cracking the door open slowly. He poked his head in to find that Cartman was still asleep. Feeling tired himself; Kyle gently crawled into bed as well, being careful not to wake the sleeping teenager in his bed. He nuzzled into Cartman's back and fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter fifteen: Still not titled

Cartman woke up the next morning to the feeling of someone in bed with him. He turned his head to find that Kyle was there. Startled, he fell out of the bed with a thud, which jolted Kyle awake.

"Holy crap! Cartman, are you okay?"

"Ugh, yeah I'm fine." Cartman responded awkwardly, rubbing his butt as to try and suppress the pain. "Why were we sharing a bed? Wait- We didn't!"

"Nononononononono! Nothing like that! You were just asleep in my bed, so I slept in the bed _with_ you! We didn't do anything else, I swear!"

"Okay, good." Cartman laughed, standing up. "What time is it?"

Kyle turned his head to check his alarm clock.

"5:30. Best get dressed, mom is gonna wake us up soon anyways."

"Okay."

Cartman grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom. Downstairs, the boys ate their breakfast. Ike was already awake watching pre recorded Terrence and Phillip when they got there.

"Ike? What are you doing up so early?"

The Canadian boy turned to his adoptive brother with pure exhaustion. His golden brown eyes were dull and glassy. Groggily, he stood up and walked to the kitchen with his brother and his boyfriend.

"I couldn't sleep. Filmore kept sending out horrible things about me and the frustration keeps me awake."

"Talk to your teacher about him."

"I try! Mrs. S doesn't listen! She thinks that dick is a model student! I've even showed her the actual messages and e-mails; she thinks it's all faked by ME!"

"Ike, listen to this advice. Usually fighting fire with fire is the worst possible idea, so if you think of stooping to his level, don't. What you do is take these e-mails straight to the police! Cyber bullying is illegal and he can wind up in jail, do you understand?" Cartman advised. Ike's beady eyes lit up and he hugged the large teenager.

"Oh, thank you Cartman! I knew the moment Kyle said you were dating that you were a keeper! If you guys get married, I'll be proud to be your brother-in-law!"

Kyle couldn't help but smile. His brother and father really liked Eric, if only his mother would too. He sighed; it'll take a lot of work to manage _that_ one.

"KYLE? IKE? ERIC? ARE YOU DOWNSTAIRS ALREADY?

"Yeah mom, we woke up about 20 minutes ago."

Mrs. Broflovski walked downstairs to find all three boys at the table.

"Good. You boys all shower already."

"Yes we did, mom."

That's good to hear! I'm glad you boys are taking your own initiative to-"

She was cut off by some coughing. Scowling, Sheila directed her attention to Cartman.

"My *cough* apologies, Mrs. Broflovski. *Cough cough* Excuse me a mo- *Cough* moment."

He pulled out his inhaler and walked out of the room.

 _"What was that look you gave him for, mom?"_ Kyle harshly whispered to his mother.

 _"What do you expect me to do when I'm cut off, that was rude!"_

 _"He has fucking asthma, he can't help it!"_

 _"Well-"_

"Hey sweetheart! Everything okay?"

Kyle's face brightened up when Cartman walked back in the room. The boy was placing his inhaler back in his pocket.

"Yes. My apologies for cutting you off, Mrs. Broflovski, I couldn't help it."

For the rest of the time before heading to the bus stop, Kyle, Cartman, and Ike sat down and watched television. Or at least, Ike did, Kyle and Cartman were staring at the tv because you NEVER mess with a ten year old's television. Finally, it was time to go.

"By Kyle, bye Cartman!" Ike waved before boarding the elementary school bus. Kyle and Eric were standing there waiting for the high school one to arrive.

"Hey guys!" Stan and Kenny greeted at the same time. They had walked to the bus stop together.

"Hey Fa- Cartman. How are you feeling?" Stan asked nicely. He knew it's been a while since Cartman got hurt, but calling him fat was second nature, so he almost slipped up.

"Uh, fine. I had an asthma attack this morning, but other than that things were perfectly fine."

"Oh, yeah. They suck ass don't they? When they happen it's just best to get your inhaler ready as quickly as possible."

"Yeah. Also I helped Ike out with his bully problem"

"Is Filmore still at it?" Kenny asked. Cartman and Kyle nodded.

"Yeah, so Cartman told him to go to the police, but not do what Filmore is doing."

"It's just best to not make things worse. If Ike goes to the police they'll handle it."

"GET ON THE DAMN BUS!"

The boys climbed on the bus.

"Okay, Jesus Christ you fucking bitch, keep your shirt on..."

"WHUT DID YOU SAY!?"

"Um... I said 'Jesus Christ I got a bad itch...' Fuck it, I said Okay you stupid bitch!"

"Kenny, are you nuts? Do you want to-?"

"Oh, okay then."

"What?"

"Are you serious? That's all it took?"

"SIT THE FUCK DOWN!"

"JESUS!"

Kenny ran to his spot next to Butters. Cartman ran to an empty seat across from Kyle and Stan. Clyde changed seats and sat with him. Token moved closer.

"I heard from Craig that you guys got in a fight yesterday. Is it true?"

"Technically, it was Craig's fight, but we got roped into it by rescuing Tweek." Kyle answered.

"Speak for yourself, dude." Stan chipped in. "You totally beat the shit out of that twelfth grader. You broke his nose."

"I did? I didn't mean to hurt him so badly! He made me angry; you don't fuck with a guy's boyfriend! Though to be fair I sprained my wrist beating his face in."

"I noticed." Kenny laughed. "When you're pissed, you're like a pint-sized Jewish wrecking ball. It's really kinda scary."

"You broke a guy's nose for me?" Cartman stared at his boyfriend in confusion. "Heh, now I know what I'm gonna call you."

"What do you mean, babe?"

"All couples have cute pet names. You call me sweetie, babe, cupcake, sweetheart, and all I ever call you is Kahl. Now I know what your nickname will be."

"What?"

"My little guardian. I think it's cute, what do you guys think?"

"I think it's nice." Stan responded.

"Yeah, it fits really well." Token agreed.

"It's really cute." Clyde also agreed.

"Kahl?" Cartman asked eagerly, awaiting a response.

"I love it." Kyle answered, a smile forming on his mouth. "Just as much as I love you."

"Awwwwww." Everyone on the bus cooed at once, even Ms. Crabtree.

Cartman leaned across the aisle and kissed Kyle on the lips. Just a peck, but that was more than enough.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter sixteen: still unnamed XD

Kyle and Cartman decided to stick with their friends all day. They saw the bully who attacked them yesterday, but one look at Kyle and he was gone. Token thought it was hilarious.

"Ha ha, look at the little pussy run! You really have him rattled Kyle."

"Token you make it sound like I attacked him for fun. You make me sound like the bad guy!"

"Sorry, but that was hilarious! The dick got what he deserved!"

"It's okay my little guardian!" Cartman cooed. "I'm still grateful for what you did." He kissed Kyle on the top of his head. Kyle blushed and playfully pulled Cartman's hat over his eyes.

"Don't think I still can't see you, Kahl."

He leaned forwards and kissed Kyle on the lips. Kyle was caught off guard and decided, if he was gonna be kissed, he might as well look him in the eyes. He pulled up Cartman's hat, which caused the honey brown haired boy to break the kiss and smile.

"There's my little guardian. Kahl, I've never truly noticed how gorgeous your eyes were until now."

"Your eyes are prettier than mine!" "Nah, I think green eyes are absolutely beautiful. It's a rare eye colour, and your emerald eyes are an even rarer, more gorgeous, phenomenon. I don't think I've seen eye pigments that made the iris of one's eyes look so... bright and vibrant as yours!"

"You know, you didn't need big words to say my eyes were pretty."

"I know."

"Oh come on! JUST FUCK ALREADY!"

They all turned their heads to see Craig and Tweek walking down the hallway. Everyone in the hallway started laughing, except Cartman and Kyle, who's faces turned redder than Cartman's coat.

"Come on... Craig, don't yell... stuff like that down the h-hall, it's really personal... and c-can hurt someone's feelings!" Stan scolded between laughs. Kyle had a smirk on his face.

"You would be the one to say that, Craig. I bet you'd like it." Craig looked at him, confused.

"What?"

"You told us to fuck. So if you're gonna yell embarrassing things down the hall, it's only fair we get to do the same."

"You wouldn't..."

"Look who my boyfriend is. Even before we started dating, I've picked up some revenge methods. So choose. Should I say that you would probably like it, a _little_ louder, or tell these people that I walked in on you and Tweek making out in the boy's bathroom yesterday?"

"Kyle, I'm sorry. It'll never happen again, _please_ don't say anything about what happened in the bathroom!" Tweek pleaded desperately.

"That's all I wanted to hear." Kyle smiled victoriously.

"Dang. Remind me not to cross you again." Craig praised. "That was actually pretty savage. Respect."

 **RING!**

"Shit, that's the bell! We gotta get to class before Garrison does or we're in big trouble!"

"Alright class, let's take our seats!" Garrison chimed as he walked into the classroom. "Now, by a show of hands, how many of you little bastards actually did your homework last night?"

Only half the class raised their hands. Cartman and Kyle were not among them.

"Eric and Kyle, I wasn't expecting for you not to have it done, but after the events that took place after lunch yesterday, you are excused. Hand it into me whenever you can."

"Yes Mr. Garrison."

"As for the rest of you, you don't have a damn excuse! What do I need to do to get some god damn work done from you little shits? I've been teaching for a long time, and I've never had such a lazy group of kids in all my life! Even when I taught kindergarten more work was done! So what we're gonna do is sit there and have your fucking homework done before the god damn bell rings in 75 minutes!"

The rest of class was pretty okay. Cartman wrote answers down for Kyle because his hand was really swollen, so he couldn't write. Kenny and Butters were just flirting all class, and Clyde asked Bebe out. Mr. Garrison almost looked like he was plotting murder. All he asked for was for these teens to get some work done, not find the cure for cancer or anything. He looked around the class, only 12% of them were actually doing work. The other 88% of them were goofing off. If Mr. Garrison still had all of his hair, he would be pulling it out in frustration. He reached into his desk and grabbed Mr. Hat.

"Hello, Mr. Garrison, long time no see."

"It sure has been Mr. Hat. I just don't know what to do anymore. Back in the fourth grade, a lot of these bastards were model students. What happened to them?"

"People change with age, Mr. Garrison. Maybe these kids just changed for the worse."

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know; it almost makes me feel like a failure."

"Well with that attitude, yeah! You need to show them the value of doing homework."

"How will I do that?"

"You should 'accidentally' display the highest mark in the class on the board."

"Okay."

The projector turning on got the class' attention. Being displayed on the board was Kyle's 97% in the class.

"Why is my mark on the board Mr. Garrison?"

"Whoops, that was an accident. I didn't realize the projector was still on from my last class."

"It wasn't. I watched you turn it on Mr. Garrison." Cartman pointed out.

"Fine, I thought that by showing you guys the highest mark in the class, you would all want to work harder so as to improve your own marks."

"That seems pretty flawed. What you need to do is encourage them to do their work. Like provide a small treat for answering a question. Showing off who the smartest kid in class is, is not gonna give you the results you need. It may actually do the opposite."

"You know, that's not bad advice. Thanks Eric, you just earned yourself some bonus marks on your report card."

"Mr. Garrison!" Cartman snapped.

"What?"

"This isn't what I meant. I didn't earn the marks by working. My point is that the students need to earn their marks and you need to help them realize why it is important to do so. I'm not here to judge you or discourage you; I'm a student who is only trying to help. Do you understand now?"

"I guess so. You know Eric, if you don't turn back to normal I think you would make a great teacher."

"Thanks, Mr. Garrison. I'll keep that in mind."

Soon enough after that class was over. The gang all headed to the cafeteria together.

"That was pretty awesome Cartman. But forget what Garrison said, I think you'd be a good social worker." Token stated, getting some confused looks from his friends.

"Really?" Cartman replied confused. "How so?"

"Simple. Sure you're smart, but you're also calm, patient, kind, and a good listener. You encouraged Mr. Garrison when he was void of hope for our class. You should consider that a career."

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea actually, except for one problem."

"What's that babe?"

"We don't know when or if I'll become my old self again. If that happens, I'll be a cynical douchebag again."

"We can only hope. I mean, I love you as you are now, but it would be cruel to wish you never return to normal. That wouldn't be fair."

 _"Should we put our plan into action?"_ Clyde whispered to Token and Craig. No one else was listening, not even Tweek.

 _"Yeah, let's do it."_ They nodded in agreement.

"Hey, who's up for a game of basketball after school?" Craig asked.

"Sounds fun." Clyde chipped in.

"Uh... sure, why not." Cartman reluctantly agreed.

"Cartman, sweetie, are you sure?" Kyle urged. "You're still in pain."

"I don't mind. I can just take a break if it gets to be too much for me."

"Okay, just be careful." Kyle pleaded, kissing his boyfriend on the forehead.

"I will, I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter seventeen: Back to normal.

 **A/N: Yes, I finally thought of a name for a chapter. Whoo! Um, *Ahem* Anyways. Cartman is going to be "Fixed" in this chapter. But how the others will handle it (Especially Kyle) is going to be something you just need to read to find out for yourselves.**

After school, everyone met at the basketball court. The game was Two v. Two with substitutions. The teams were Token, Clyde and Stan as their substitute, and Cartman, Craig, and Kenny as their substitute. Kyle, Butters, and Tweek were just watching.

"Shoot! Shoot it!" Kyle cheered, Cartman had the ball in his hand. He shot it in the air, only to be blocked by Clyde.

"Aw, next time for sure Cartman!" Kenny cheered his best friend on.

"Pass the ball, Clyde!" Token called from behind where Cartman was standing.

Hesitantly, Clyde did what they were planning to do. He sure was gonna miss the nice Cartman.

"I'm sorry, Cartman." He whispered, before hurtling the ball right at his face.

Cartman slowly opened his eyes to the sound of arguing.

"YOU DID IT ON PURPOUS?!"

"We were just trying to turn him back to normal."

"HE'S SUFFERED ENOUGH CLYDE! YOU SHOULDN'T KEEP INFLICTING DAMAGE TO HIS HEAD! WHAT IF YOU MAKE IT WORSE? WHAT IF YOU GIVE HIM AMNESIA? WHAT IF YOU GIVE HIM A BRAIN BLEED?"

"Guys, he's coming to."

Cartman recognized the voice as Token.

"Oh thank God! Baby, are you okay?" once the screaming voice calmed down, he was able to recognize Kyle's voice.

"I'm fine, Jew. It'll take more than a blow to the head from pussy boy over there to knock me out for long."

"Yep. He's back to his old, annoying self."

"Shut up poor boy, nobody asked you!" Cartman snapped.

"Cartman..." Kyle looked his (Hopefully still) boyfriend in the eyes.

"What do you want, Jew?"

"Do you... still like me?"

"No."

Kyle felt like he was just punched in the gut. Tears were forming in his eyes. Then, next thing he knew, Cartman grabbed him and pulled him close.

"I still love you."

Then he planted his lips onto Kyle's. The Jewish boy was still slightly teary eyed, but they were tears of joy now. He wrapped his arms around Cartman's neck and did not want to let go.

"Awww! Cartman has a soft spot!" Token sang.

"SHUT UP YOU BLACK ASSHOLE!" Cartman snapped, blushing profusely.

"Yeah, whatever." Token snickered.

"Are you okay dude?" Clyde asked in concern.

"YOU DON'T GET A SAY YOU DICK!" Kyle screamed. "IT'S YOUR GOD DAMN FAULT HE'S HURT TO BEGIN WITH!"

"Jesus Kahl, you are so hot when you're pissed off!" Cartman praised, making Kyle blush.

"AWWWWW!" Everyone cooed.

"SHUT UP YOU DICKS!"

The end.


End file.
